Closure. maybe? :/

For the past week or so I slowly been getting to know my guy friends again and it's been nice, but I worry.

I do not worry about my guy friend. I do not worry about my weight where he is concerned because he has dated bigger women before. I do not worry about my church status because his is similar. I do not worry that he will be interested in me if I become interested in him for reals because he is a little already.

I worry because I've had 2 guys walk away from me. Both guys made promises and broke them. The first  one I pretty much understand what happened. Sometimes I do wonder what made him cheat on me is it because there's something wrong with me? Then I remember who he is and what he does. I know that when it comes to cheating and domestic violence it it usually isn't about the one who was cheated on or abused. While I and you know this it still hurts a person.

Then the second guy and I have no clue why he walked. December was so magical and he made me feel so special. He made a promise with me since we reconnected that we would always be in each others life no matter what. Yet he broke it.

He was my best friend, the best friend I ever had. I think Matt's leaving hurt me worse than what the Chad did to me. He knew me better than anyone else in this world. He accepted me like no 1 else ever has. He was the very first and only person to ever really understand and get me.

Now here I sit embarking a new friendship I'm not really worried about where it may lead or is if it will lead anywhere. I worry about what two guys walked out of my life.

I begin to wonder if I need to find out from Matt why he walked. To try to get him to tell me if I did something wrong. To see if he'll give me the closuree thst I need to pursue any relationship, friendship or otherwise not just with my guy friend but with anyone. I am scared to death to let anyone in after what Matt did.

Do I really need closure? Is closure a real thing? Does it ever really exist?

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