Runaway Bride

I feel like Julia Roberts in the movie
Runaway Bride. LOL No, not cuz I've left several men at the alter, but because I like the character didn't know who she was or what she liked.

Growing up I never felt good enough or even that my best was good enough. So I ended up a people pleaser, trying to be what everyone wanted or expected me to be.

For instance, I was supposed to not need anyone. To be strong on my own even as a little child. To take care of myself. To not let being pushed aside bother me. I was expected not to be emotionally stunted by this. I was supposed to always be happy & friendly. Or whatever each person thought I should be.

Even now as an adult its the same way. I'm expected to be this or that. Why can't I be expected to be who Monica Ann Pace truly is? What if I am not what everyone expects, but at last I find out who I truly am & I'm happy?

I'm tired of not being the real me whoever that is. I'm just tired of being who I'm not. I think its time I find out how I like my eggs. :-)

Comments

Julia said…
yea it let me back in! off to bed but i'll be back to read it in the morning!
July 20, 2011 at 10:36 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fine Tuning

Image
Earlier I realized something. I kinda went into hiding. Even hiding from online. I stayed offline. It got so bad I hid out in my room. I found out Wednesday, May 19 that Chad still hadn't been served all because he sent a forwarded email to me. I had contacted the police and found out than. It was said unofficially that it looks like he is hiding from them. I didn't realize how bad it scared me. I got to where I was afraid to go online because what if he tried to contact me online again? Or what if I was to go out in public and he was there. It was safer to be friends and not enemies with him. I heard him threaten his 1st ex wife more than once. Saying how bad he wanted to kill her and prison would be worth it. As I sit here and write this I write with the lights off and any lights or cars or anything that goes past our big front window I look out. I want and need to go back to church, but without the Protective Order what is to stop him from coming there. I know with it he ...
Read more

Do You Love Them Enough?

Image
I started this shortly after a tragedy struck my friend and her family. Their sweet baby girl was only on this earth for a few hours before she returned to our Father in Heaven. It really made me think about this topic and I still have been thinking about it 6 months later. I started to write it than, but than my life fell apart. The man I eventually wanted to spend eternity with left me for someone else. My life fell apart. I am a very forgiving woman. I figured we could work it out. Yeah, now I don't want to at least not with him. I deserve better.  Now I just need to find faith in myself that I will return to that beautiful building above or any of the others on this earth. I miss it. I need it and I just need to one day go up and take a hold of the Spirit that is just there even on the grounds. I remember going to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple and going into a sealing room. It had been 4 years since I had been in the temple. I remember thinking that the chain is broken in s...
Read more

HCG Diet Drops Decision

I have almost always been chubby not necessarily overweight that came later, than in high school with the onset of severe depression in 11 grade. I was able to hide the depression from most people but I missed 90% of my 11grade year and about 80% of my 12grade year. I didn't graduate with my class but I did a month and 3 days later later from Adult High School. After high school between medications, less activity, than I had I high school, depression, and other health problems I put on the weight. I became morbidly obese. According to my own scales I ended up getting up to 330 lbs with no pregnancies. I always had a self image that was smaller than I really was so that never really helped. I knew I was overweight but to what degree I was oblivious. Plus I knew that it kept the guys away from me which was an added benefit. That is until I turned 30 but 2 guys used me and one tried to rape me. The fourth I fell madly in love with. When he seen me naked for the first time I realized ...
Read more