Neck troubles

Lately I have had a lot of neck troubles and that is messing things up. I miss doing things. Either I take a muscle relaxer that knocks me out for at least two hours or I  just lay around. I did get a note for physical therapy once from one of my doctors, but between my mom "putting it up" & me not liking myself at the time I didn't go.

One the bright side my new bed is great! I know wake up in less body pain. When I can sleep. Just have to find money for the pillow I need for my neck now. I don't have money for that how can I pay on the truck I don't drive anymore? Never get a title loan!

I really need out and soon, but it won't be soon. I think no I know stress plays into my neck problems. Which will always be here especially in double while my brother is here. Don't get me wrong I love my brother, but he lives an expected life where my mom babies him and always has. She now admits it. 

I no longer feel like this is my home. More like I am an unwelcome unwanted visitor like I did growing up which is one reason I tried to end it all back than. Thankfully when those feelings have arose now I don't put it action. Sad thing don't know what to do with it. Oh well I figure it out. :-) Been through worse. :-)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fine Tuning

Image
Earlier I realized something. I kinda went into hiding. Even hiding from online. I stayed offline. It got so bad I hid out in my room. I found out Wednesday, May 19 that Chad still hadn't been served all because he sent a forwarded email to me. I had contacted the police and found out than. It was said unofficially that it looks like he is hiding from them. I didn't realize how bad it scared me. I got to where I was afraid to go online because what if he tried to contact me online again? Or what if I was to go out in public and he was there. It was safer to be friends and not enemies with him. I heard him threaten his 1st ex wife more than once. Saying how bad he wanted to kill her and prison would be worth it. As I sit here and write this I write with the lights off and any lights or cars or anything that goes past our big front window I look out. I want and need to go back to church, but without the Protective Order what is to stop him from coming there. I know with it he ...
Read more

Do You Love Them Enough?

Image
I started this shortly after a tragedy struck my friend and her family. Their sweet baby girl was only on this earth for a few hours before she returned to our Father in Heaven. It really made me think about this topic and I still have been thinking about it 6 months later. I started to write it than, but than my life fell apart. The man I eventually wanted to spend eternity with left me for someone else. My life fell apart. I am a very forgiving woman. I figured we could work it out. Yeah, now I don't want to at least not with him. I deserve better.  Now I just need to find faith in myself that I will return to that beautiful building above or any of the others on this earth. I miss it. I need it and I just need to one day go up and take a hold of the Spirit that is just there even on the grounds. I remember going to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple and going into a sealing room. It had been 4 years since I had been in the temple. I remember thinking that the chain is broken in s...
Read more

HCG Diet Drops Decision

I have almost always been chubby not necessarily overweight that came later, than in high school with the onset of severe depression in 11 grade. I was able to hide the depression from most people but I missed 90% of my 11grade year and about 80% of my 12grade year. I didn't graduate with my class but I did a month and 3 days later later from Adult High School. After high school between medications, less activity, than I had I high school, depression, and other health problems I put on the weight. I became morbidly obese. According to my own scales I ended up getting up to 330 lbs with no pregnancies. I always had a self image that was smaller than I really was so that never really helped. I knew I was overweight but to what degree I was oblivious. Plus I knew that it kept the guys away from me which was an added benefit. That is until I turned 30 but 2 guys used me and one tried to rape me. The fourth I fell madly in love with. When he seen me naked for the first time I realized ...
Read more