Decision Made

I have come to realize recently why I feel the way I did about guys and myself. Chad messed me up more than I ever did realize. In more ways than I knew. I have learned a lot in several different incidence this past week.

What it boils down to is I never want to be in another serious relationship. I honestly don't think I can do it nor do I want to put a man through me. They deserve more. No I am not putting myself down, I know I am a good woman and I have some fine qualities. I am just being realistic. I believe somethings are damaged or broken beyond repair.

Which is somthing I have to deal with. It is just the result of choices I made like dating Chad and accepting things that happened while we were together. No I am not letting him win just accepting my limitations. We all have them mine are just more so because of him. It is ok. It is my lot life.

I know that I like male companionship and I can find purely platonic male companionship who I can just do things with. I know others have even though I don't and I want it, it will happen.

Another thing I had wanted was at least on child of my own, but I have seen how difficult it is to be a single mom and I don't want that. Besides there are children who will always need me. My little cousins reminded me of that tonight. There are many ways to be a mom. :-)

This is for the best and I am okay with it especially after what I learned. Some scared me and some made me sad. I feel like I have let down a lot of people involved while on this path of my latest learning and I am truly sorry.

Comments

Adam said…
You'll date again, and maybe even marry again. You're hurt, and feel as if you're damaged goods now, you're not. God doesn't make junk. You have to work your issues out, but I had alot of my own issues when I got divorced, and I made the exact same pledge you just did. :) Someone who deserves you will happen along, and you'll deserve him. You've been thru Hell, now wait for Heaven to show up. :) Do not go quietly into that good night. Do not let your ex win by withdrawing yourself from the dating pool. Do you really want to continue to give him that much power over you? Do you really want to empower him and allow him to win? Take away his power, defy him the ability to continue to hurt you or affect your life.
July 29, 2011 at 2:26 AM
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