Merry Christmas!

This year it was tough getting into or finding the Christmas spirit. I'd see glimpses of it but couldn't grasp or hold on to it for only mere moments. You know when there is something you want that but it is just beyond your reach no matter how hard you try? That is what it has been like.

I found enough for me today as I went and shared Christmas with my entire immediate family including my brother, his family & my parents. Today was the best Christmas I have had in about 5 years. It's not about the material things I have been given but those gifts that come in the way of friends & family.

Even though I have never spent Christmas with a guy (yes not even Chad. First year he was with his son. The next he probably spent it with something woman.). A friend of mine mentioned that had they still been seeing a certain person they would have gone over to see them for a little bit even though it wasn't.even remotely serious. After we got off the phone I did cry a little. I'm 35 yrs old and never been important enough for guy to stop by on Christmas. I can't focus on what I don't have or never have had but focus on what I do have. Last thing on this subject I really truly am about to give up on being no more important than a true & great friend. Maybe that is all I am meant to be just like I am not meant, to, be a mom but to take care and love other womens children.

I am truly grateful for what I do have. I am very blessed with what I have. I hope everyone had at least a good Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fine Tuning

Image
Earlier I realized something. I kinda went into hiding. Even hiding from online. I stayed offline. It got so bad I hid out in my room. I found out Wednesday, May 19 that Chad still hadn't been served all because he sent a forwarded email to me. I had contacted the police and found out than. It was said unofficially that it looks like he is hiding from them. I didn't realize how bad it scared me. I got to where I was afraid to go online because what if he tried to contact me online again? Or what if I was to go out in public and he was there. It was safer to be friends and not enemies with him. I heard him threaten his 1st ex wife more than once. Saying how bad he wanted to kill her and prison would be worth it. As I sit here and write this I write with the lights off and any lights or cars or anything that goes past our big front window I look out. I want and need to go back to church, but without the Protective Order what is to stop him from coming there. I know with it he ...
Read more

Do You Love Them Enough?

Image
I started this shortly after a tragedy struck my friend and her family. Their sweet baby girl was only on this earth for a few hours before she returned to our Father in Heaven. It really made me think about this topic and I still have been thinking about it 6 months later. I started to write it than, but than my life fell apart. The man I eventually wanted to spend eternity with left me for someone else. My life fell apart. I am a very forgiving woman. I figured we could work it out. Yeah, now I don't want to at least not with him. I deserve better.  Now I just need to find faith in myself that I will return to that beautiful building above or any of the others on this earth. I miss it. I need it and I just need to one day go up and take a hold of the Spirit that is just there even on the grounds. I remember going to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple and going into a sealing room. It had been 4 years since I had been in the temple. I remember thinking that the chain is broken in s...
Read more

HCG Diet Drops Decision

I have almost always been chubby not necessarily overweight that came later, than in high school with the onset of severe depression in 11 grade. I was able to hide the depression from most people but I missed 90% of my 11grade year and about 80% of my 12grade year. I didn't graduate with my class but I did a month and 3 days later later from Adult High School. After high school between medications, less activity, than I had I high school, depression, and other health problems I put on the weight. I became morbidly obese. According to my own scales I ended up getting up to 330 lbs with no pregnancies. I always had a self image that was smaller than I really was so that never really helped. I knew I was overweight but to what degree I was oblivious. Plus I knew that it kept the guys away from me which was an added benefit. That is until I turned 30 but 2 guys used me and one tried to rape me. The fourth I fell madly in love with. When he seen me naked for the first time I realized ...
Read more