Don't Know

I don't know why I keep trying to get healthier something ALWAYS seems to stop it'll Whether it's a complication w/how a medication reacts w/my body or insurance not paying for a medication. Or how another problem comes up. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it.

First cuz of health my mom took over half if not more of babysitting. One of the main responsibilities of getting me up and going. Keeping my depression of not feeling well at bay.

Second I had Zoie who needed me and I took care of now she's gone.

I can't work right now cuz of health problems. Guys don't give me the time of day cuz of it. Those who do keep me in the friend category. So if/when I start to care abt one more than a friend it'll lead to heartache cuz I'm not his type. No none of my friends lately have said that I just know it.
Frustrates the heck out of me cuz I know when I am ready I'd make someone a darn good girlfriend, but I've always been the friend or good friend. I'm 35 now. I am tired of being the friend. Given the opportunity once to prove myself and HE wasnt worth. Just another one looking for something better. I am abt done thinking I'll be someones "better". That they will stop looking once they find me.
Even my friend Matt will find someone better cuz he put me in the friend category like all others.

This Happenings of the New Moni kinda sucks! Don't get me wrong If need to update this and catch up on some good happenings but they are few and far between.

I don't know if it's all worth trying to improve with all the mountains in the road. I don't think If have the strength (inner or otherwise) to even think abt climbing the mountains let alone climbing it.
I just don't know anymore. So frustrated!

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