What a Difference a Year Makes

Lehi Round Up Rodeo 2015
My brother Lonnie & I
Lehi Round Up Rodeo 2016
Joel Adamson & I
Ok, I will answer the first question people ask then get to the heart of this blog post. =) Since he doesn't follow this blog, I will be 100% honest. Just don't tell him, if you know him. LOL Joel Adamson is a friend. I met him 17 or so years ago. We went out a few times back then, but I freaked and ranaway. I didn't realize it at the time, but I ran because I liked him and he showed interest in me. LOL That doesn't make a lot of sense until you understand that at that time I didn't believe I deserved a good man. That I didn't deserve to be happy. So when he held my hand, I freaked and ran. Yes, I got butterflies when he did.  LOL 

We reconnected about 3 years ago, but lost contact due to him being in the Army full time and I also think the timing was off. We then reconnected earlier this year. Do I like Joel? Sure, he's a great friend. LOL I know that isn't what people are wondering. I do greatly value his friendship, but because of my abusive engagement and then the hurt that was inflicted when my former male best friend just disappeared from me life has made me leery. I know I can trust Joel, he's a good man. I just have some issues to deal with as I go along. LOL To answer the question, I think I do like him more than a friend, but I have no clue if he is interested in me anymore if I have been "friendzoned", but like I said I value his friendship so if he did that's okay. LOL So for now, we are friends. ;) I can say the butterflies where still there when he held my hand to help short legged me down the bleachers. 

Now, to why I started this post. =) 

The beginning of 2015 I weighed 118 lbs more than I do now. =) I still have a ways to go. I had a weight loss surgery called sleeve gasterectomy November 16, 2015. I have lost 88 lbs since surgery. My health has greatly improved and I love it! I am doing more and even clean houses on occasion for a little bit of money. 

I cried when I saw these two pictures. I can't believe how much my life has changed just in a year. I never thought I could be this happy and healthy I still have a ways to go in a lot of areas, but it's a vast difference then last year. Looking back things have improved more and more the couple of years. In 2009, I attempted suicide 3 times. I was in an abusive relationship. There was some physical abuse, but A LOT of mental emotional abuse. Because of my parents health at the time, they didn't know exactly what was going on. I hid it from the few people I hadn't been isolated from. I just didn't think life would get better and that I would ever be free of him. 

In 2010, he moved in with another woman while saying we were still engaged. LOL Yeah right! I eventually got a Permanent Protective Order against him and I fought a stalking injunction he got one me for turning something into his auto insurance to pay. Even before I was served they had already paid the bill from when I "fell" out of his truck. I knew I hadn't stalked him. He actually is a stalker. I was told by several people. Plus I know he stalked me after he moved out, but I had no proof. Oh well, life has gone and it's far better than I expected it too. 

While I honestly don't know what is going on or if anything is going on between Joel and I, I am grateful for him and his friendship. It has helped me grow and become a better person/woman. Unknowingly, he has been a great example to me and making me want more and better things in my life. 

If you are struggling for whatever reason or if you are in an abusive relationship there is hope! Things get better. I am living proof of that. I lost all hope and now I have brimming over with hope! My life is so good, but I want and will have more. =) Life is wonderful, don't give up!

BTW The Lehi Round Up Rodeo is simply amazing. I can't wait until next year. Who knows what my next years post will be. LOL

The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255  

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