So Lost

Lately I am feeling so lost and I don't know exactly what do about it. I have had to miss therapy because of the goings on with my mom. Since her stroke she has been going to a lot of doctors appointments and having a lot of test done. We have only had one vehicle. My vehicle needs to be licensed. I was going to do it in September, but because I had to pay a lot of money for the lawyer to get started on my case it took almost all my money for the month. Mom's stroke really has turned our family life upside down. It has made me feel really lonely. I hate being single right now. I really don't have anyone to turn to and to hold me. I have to be strong because my parents need me to, but I don't have anyone to not be strong to in person. I am tired of always having to be strong.


My stomach problems have been put on hold and so has my fibromyalgia. Both are playing havoc with me and it is not fun. I am sick if I eat and sick if I don't eat. I am having a hard time sleeping because of being sick and because of the aches and pain so I fall asleep exhausted during the day. I am finally free of the ex, but I can't do anything to get my life on track because of my health. I am so tired of not having a life and not being able to do things. I hate to admit this, but I actually miss the ex right now. When he wasn't cheating on me we had some great times and occasionally I had someone there for me even if I had to ask at times for him to leave his phone and laptop alone aka the other women.

I have at least four ulcers. I have known this for years. I think that because I have finally stop holding myself together the ulcers are acting up and causing problems. I live on a liquid antacid. Plus a month or so ago I found out that I have esophagitus (sp) inflammation of my esophagus. When they ulcers and my esophagus act up it feels just like major chest pain. It feels like a heart attack. All my health problems are aggravated at this time. It is so not fun. I also have major fatigue which is caused by not sleeping right and also 3 of my health problems. 

On the bright side of things my cousin Misty has asked me to babysit her daughter Chloe twice in the last two weeks. It has been a lot of fun. She is 3 yrs old and she is a good something else. I just love her and all of her siblings. I am also looking forward to next friday night when I get to spend it with Abby and Aly! It will be great fun. Me being sick or not will be great fun!!!I love my nieces, all of them. There are good things in my life and I am glad for that. 

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